[circa early summer, 2026]
A late-night concert (or early-morning appointment, I can’t remember) led me to a late start during one of my in-office days. Construction going on within my parking garage put a large number of spaces off-limits, leading me to pull into a spot just below the exposed rooftop deck. In an effort to “get some exercise,” I made a beeline for the stairwell.
After taking a few steps, I paused for a moment, pondering.
I debated backtracking to verify what I’d glimpsed out the structure-height window, just to make sure my eyes were still working properly.
As a curious cat, I did just that.
Glancing through the window, down at the concrete island that’s part of a street-level lot entrance, I saw one of the city’s innumerable destitute male citizens, a shopping cart loaded with aluminum cans parked next to him, seated on the island.
There he sat, exposed for all the world to see, blatantly jerking off.
I’ll admit I’ve never seen this occur in public before. Certainly not before 9:30am. (Is it like drinking, where it’s frowned upon if you imbibe before noon?)
Moments after noticing this, a van came down the alley, right-turning into the lot. The man – who was angled away from the incoming traffic – promptly tucked away his member and gave a nod to the female driver, who paused to capture the sign with the QR code for payment (this is mounted on another island on the other side of the entrance).
I can’t be certain whether the female driver knew what was going on as she made that turn, or whether she crossed paths with the destitute man after parking and paying the Meter-App Gods, but it certainly made for an interesting morning experience.
Shoot, who needs coffee when dudes are just whacking it in public?
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