Jonny Numb

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Badyear-Goodyear 2025

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Jonny Numb
Jonny seated next to a terrifying Lion on a bench

Mere weeks into the year, 2025 announced itself as an awful entity that threatened – and delivered – in showing those who slogged through little mercy and less reprieve. It sucked, and – despite time being an arbitrary construct and the flipping of the calendar from one year to the next ultimately meaning nothing of substance (and being even less a determiner of whether something will be “good” or “bad” moving forward) – I couldn’t wait for it to be over.

I’ve long held the belief that “the bottom” – in the existential sense – is composed of innumerable layers, all weakened by the perpetual march of human propagation, so as each generation hits what it perceives as the bottom, it collapses, thus revealing heretofore unexplored Fresh Hells unique to their respective eras.

That said…there was still a lot of good to be extracted from 2025.

What does this all mean? More importantly, what does it all mean to me, the author of this godforsaken shrine to self-loathing? Read on…

Badyear 2025 (how does it feel? suck, suck, suck!):

  • Feline losses: Willow (January; cancer) and Kima (May; collapsed lung)
  • A mentor being hospitalized
  • Celebrity losses: David Lynch; Peter Greene; Sergio Salvati; James Ransone – methinks it’s the weirdoes and character actors who are going to hit hardest
  • Being weaned off Effexor – do NOT recommend
  • Contracting COVID after Wave Gotik Treffen – the really Bad Part lasted maybe 72 hours, but symptoms hung around for about 3 weeks after
  • Falling off with regular talk therapy sessions after Kima passed
  • Letting scumbags take up too much of my mental real estate, but not knowing how to turn it off
    • To that end: concluding that a lot of my inherited psychological traits are contradictory and therefore frustrating and maddening
  • Bottling up creative ideas in my head, allowing them to kick and fester and all but plead to be written down or recorded in some way
  • Concluding that my diminished attention span (thanks, Internet addiction!) will not allow me to return to writing prose anytime soon
  • Movies – I know I didn’t get out to as many as I wanted to this year
  • To that end, I also lost the urge to compulsively keep up with movies for the purpose of curating a well-rounded annual Best/Worst list
  • Bands that only released their music via vinyl or digital
  • High blood pressure detected during my annual Get Healthy check
  • Being weirdly resistant to firing up my Super Nintendo to play Final Fight and work out some of my festering aggression and anger
  • Lacking the focus to read as many books as I’d like
  • Not watching Scrooged on Christmas Eve or Day
  • Losing Lovedraft’s Brewing Co. as a live-music venue
  • Tickets for the 2026 Hayley Williams tour selling out almost immediately (how are those bot-discouraging methods working for ya?)

Goodyear 2025 (things could be worse!):

  • A new Poppy LP (Negative Spaces) – one of the positive constants of the last couple years
  • Coming around to the virtues of Taylor Swift
  • New novels from Christopher Alan Broadstone (Heather’s Treehouse) and William D. Prystauk (Red Agenda)
  • Forthcoming book of NYC photography from Dave K
  • Gaining inspiration from the creative efforts of others – see above (e.g., “maybe my own work isn’t such a lost cause and should continue?”)
  • Losing 11 pounds since the last in-person visit to my PCP (so…maybe a year?)
  • Lizard finding love again! [audience: Awwwwwwww!]
  • Music – that great preserver and saver of fragile souls from leaning too far into the deep, bottomless well of insanity. So much good music, between new releases from artists I already follow, and simply discovering new and exciting acts via Bandcamp and Instagram
  • Seeing my skill set increase by dedicated volunteering through a great nonprofit
  • My brother making a conscious effort to improve his job prospects by enrolling in a continuing education program for his trade
  • Seeing my S.O.’s niece graduate high school and commit to a year-long film program down in Florida (I doubt she’ll be coming back to Pennsylvania; she’s already on her way to great things)
  • Feline gains: Miya (March; tabico tripod) and Zoey (August; longleg tuxie). Picture below:
Photo by Jonny
  • Spending Christmas with Audrey, Jean, Miya, Zoey, and games of Exploding Kittens and Quiddler
  • Seeing Seven at the Penn Cinema IMAX – first time seeing it on something bigger than my 32-inch flatscreen
  • Bands that released their music on CD or cassette (but preferably CD)
  • Acclimating to Wellbutrin and Rexulti (in process but going well thus far)
  • Considering the possibility of tinkering around with making music again now that my old mind has been freed of the preconceived structural restraints that informed my youthful thinking on the process – wisdom!
  • Randomly going to shows because of a “good feeling” and having them exceed expectations (in no order: Babel Map @ Zoetropolis; Bad Cop Bad Cop @ Phantom Power; Nahja Mora/Compactor/Ca8al @ Orion Studios; Trace Amount & Marie Ann Hedonia @ Metro Gallery)
Marie Ann Hedonia at Metro Gallery (photo by Jonny)
  • Seeing I Ya Toyah win over new fans on the Wednesday 13 tour
  • Trying the Yankee Doodle Restaurant for the first time
  • Record Riots and Baltimore/Philly trips with Bret
  • Philly trips and Digital Underground visits with Lizard
  • Continuing the Movies, Films & Flix “Feel Good” series with the great Mark Hofmeyer
  • Seeing Nine Inch Nails in Philly for the umpteenth time
    • Bonus: seeing Santa Claus carried out of the pit and Trent breaking character during the Nine Inch Nails show
  • Celebrating Audrey’s birthday at Creative Spark Arts – and this is what I made:
  • A largely incident-free first year in a supervisory role (translation: maybe I’m not bad at this)
    • To that end: overseeing a unit where everyone works cooperatively and without ego, making supervision a pleasure instead of a chore
  • Seeing a double feature of Cecil B. Demented (projected on VHS) and Ryan Kruger’s Street Trash at Midtown Cinema
  • Attending (and surviving) Exhumed Films’ 24-Hour Horrorthon for the first time since 2022 (even though I had a headache and puked up Popeye’s after)
  • Attending (and surviving) the Mahoning Drive-In’s First Annual Dusk Till Dawn Horrorthon
  • Attending two horror cons a relatively short distance from where I live – Creature Feature Weekend (Gettysburg) and Horror on Main (Harrisburg)
  • Maintaining my gym membership and committing to a semi-regular exercise routine
  • Incorporating Winterbeast into my holiday viewing schedule
  • Watching Die Hard on Christmas Day, because duh
  • Attending Wave Gotik Treffen for the first time and seeing A LOT of awesome bands whilst exploring scenic Leipzig!

So I guess the good outweighs the bad when left to ponder on it…it’s just that the bad seems so hellishly insurmountable in the moment! To that end, I’ll just leave the last word on 2025 with the brilliant minds behind HEALTH (who released another banger of an LP this year):

6 responses

  1. blackcabprod

    Comment coming soon. Hang in there. I am starting the new year out as a lazy bastard––at least for one day. It is all back and to work and to onward tomorrow. 🙂 2026 awaits us all. Yippy. 😉

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  2. William D Prystauk

    Jon, there’s so much to comment on that it would take me hours. This means: We haven’t gotten together in too damn long and must do so.

    I’m sorry about your losses and salute your gains. Wellbutrin has worked for me on a grand scale and I trust it does the same for you.

    As for your own art, I’d love to listen to whatever music you create and I want to read a book or a stage play of yours this year. You’re one helluva writer and I have no doubt a major small press (big publishers suck because they demand sucky, formulaic writing) will want “Snipe Hunt” or whatever else you’re doing.

    Keep being you and never stop creating.

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    1. Jonny Numb

      Thanks, Bill, and sorry for the belated comment. I got a surprise call from Palko a couple weeks ago, and planning our next in-person visit came up. As it’s looking more and more like this winter is going to be one blustery bitch, maybe sometime in March or April. I still have Christmas presents to give you from 2024!

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  3. blackcabprod

    Well, let’s start with the shockingly terrifying (are you sure your therapy is working?) side of things:–– “Coming around to the virtues of Taylor Swift” ––Wait! Whaaaaa??? Noooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!

    But on the really high-end, most-excellent upside’ of things –––– “New novels from Christopher Alan Broadstone (Heather’s Treehouse) and William D. Prystauk (Red Agenda) ––Yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!

    Welcome to 2026.

    What can I say? It’s all up hill, like most every year. If only things really did get easier the older we get. But, putting that aside, back to 2025…I’m terribly sorry for the loss of Willow and Kima. I know how deeply you were connected. This type of pain, for me personally, is why I can never have another pet. Or a girlfriend, either. I’m just not cut out for real life––never have been, never will be. Hopefully you’ll find greater strength in those matters than I have.

    Also, sorry to hear about the high blood pressure. Welcome to old age! Personally, I’ve had hypertension for well over a decade and I don’t think any amount of eating right or exercise will change that. I’m probably filled with way too much rage and creative frustration. My pressure is through the roof if I don’t now take two morning pills and another pill for high triglycerides. But they seem to work, so I guess it’s not the end of the world. Yet. 🙂

    While I could probably comment on many other ups and downs you mentioned, I feel the most important one to speak on is your writing. I know well the self-guilt, self-loathing, self-sadism, and general anhedonia of never feeling like you produce enough, or quickly enough, or are quite good enough––or maybe too good?––to keep pounding out the written word, or anything else creative, really, be it film or music or some napkin sketch. I’ve found that no matter how much I accomplish it’s never enough, or good enough, or whatever––it certainly never brings enough money, if any at all. Which, of course, doesn’t help anything. I’ll admit, I wrote a lot more on this, but when I realized my comment on ‘your’ blog post had morphed into a lengthy and meandering self-therapy session to convince my own self to keep writing, filmmaking, and creating, I had to hit delete. But what I will say is this:

    Absorb all the misery and pleasure every new (and old) year brings –– log it, consolidate it, reformulate it, and regurgitate it. In other words, keep creating even in the face of the ever ongoing battle with ‘WTF am I doing?’ and ‘Why bother at all?’ As well, the muses will find you if they want you and they can be far more insistent and relentless than even Dirty Harry. On top of this, and in spite of what us little artists want, when the time is right, the time is right. And when Father Time finally wields his .45 Magnum and says with git, “Make my day.” Guess what? You will.

    At long last and simply put, I feel your pain. You are not alone in your fight with the artistic ‘self’. Keep bleeding your mind as long as the muses and Father Time keep firing their .45…and HAPPY NEW YEAR, MR. NUMB!

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    1. Jonny Numb

      LOL RE: Taylor Swift. What can I say – I am not immune to siren song of pop music! Maybe, in addition to the blood pressure, I’m getting less picky in my old age. Not sure what that says for my taste parameters, haha.

      As for the rest of what you wrote, I actually needed to hear/read all of that, so thank you for articulating it so eloquently. I am my own worst enemy and most persistent Doubting Thomas (Doubting Numbus?) when it comes to the projects I embark upon, to the point where I often wind up self-sabotaging what I set out to accomplish. When I was in my teens and early 20s, I had a far easier time of writing prose (short stories, novels) and seeing them through to completion with little “what if” holding me back. But on the positive end of things, I have redoubled my dedication to my movie-reviews book, and have even resumed writing “unpublished” reviews to add as “bonus content.” So that has me in a good headspace…and if that helps see me through what’s already looking to be a kick-in-the-teeth year, I’ll take it!

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  4. William D Prystauk

    Holy Hell!

    I’m looking forward to the visit. It’s been far too long!

    (And Palko has tons of new treasures to gawk at.)

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