Jonny Numb

To quote everybody’s favorite porcine stutterer: “Th-Th-That’s all, folks!”

(And yes: in the spirit of deep discounts and holiday spirit, I purchased a Mean Girls T-shirt. Deal with it.)

With that, my creatively-titled “2023 Movie Reviews Project” reaches its conclusion.

I will say, it has been odd to revert back to a place of doing casual write-ups over on Letterboxd without feeling the obligation to sit down and type anywhere from 6 to 156 single-spaced lines about whatever movie I’ve just watched.

This project has spanned 3 different computers, so the snapshot you see below is only part of what I’ve produced over the last 12 months. (Yes, more ink and paper will perish before January is through.)

In glancing over these reviews, it’s interesting to see how I began to write more and more as the year progressed, and also learned that starting a review on one computer, emailing yourself the unfinished portion, and finishing/saving it on another computer is a thorny pathway to madness, best avoided at all costs!

And these are just the new and/or otherwise unpublished reviews of things I watched (or, in some cases, rewatched) over the course of 2023. The task of collecting the reviews that have been posted elsewhere through the years will be its own beast – one I may have a nervous breakdown over once I realize I bit off more than I could chew.

But I digress.

A bit of a spoiler for what’s to come, but my New Year’s Eve was so dismal in terms of the movies I watched that I decided to extend the project for one more movie – Paul Verhoeven’s Benedetta – which started 2024 on the right track, indeed.

In any case, I will be leveling several rainforests’-worth of trees by the time all the necessary pages are printed, at which point I will get out my trusty red pen and start editing what I’ve written. Given my (over-)analytical mind when it comes to this sort of thing, I’m not expecting a rapid turnaround.

But…when the smoke clears, I will have…a book!

No, louder! A BOOK!

Also: does anybody out there have experience formatting a book?

Also: [sotto voce:] “Help!”

Anyway: here are the movies I watched from August through December. Enjoy!

August:

Cannibal Campout (1988)

Captives (1988)

Chocolate Strawberry Vanilla (2014)

The Dead Ones (2019)

The Demon Rat (1992)

Fortress of Amerikkka (1989)

Giantess Attack vs. Mecha Fembot (2019)

Gorgo (1961)

Happy Birthday to Me (1981)

Highway to Hell (1991)

Impulse (1974)

Madame O (1967)

Maximum Overdrive (1986)

National Lampoon’s Movie Madness (1982)

The Nesting (1981)

The Nun (2018)

Parasites (2016)

Psycho Girls (1985)

The Puppet Masters (1994)

Santa Claws (1996)

Short Eyes (1977)

Srigala (Wolf) (1981)

Terror at Tenkiller (1986)

The Undertaker and His Pals (1966)

The Whale (2022)

September:

Amazon Jail 2 (Prisioneiras de Selva Amazonica) (1987)

Amityville II: The Possession (1982)

The Amityville Horror (2005)

August Underground (2001)

Beaks: The Movie (1987)

The Big Bird Cage (1972)

The Big Doll House (1971)

The Bloody Judge (1970)

Candyman: Farewell to the Flesh (1995)

C.H.U.D. II: Bud the Chud (1989)

Games (1967)

God Is a Bullet (2023)

Graduation Day (1981)

Hardcore (1979)

The House that Burns At Night (La casa que arde de noche) (1986)

The Last Horror Film (1982)

Night of the Demons 3 (1997)

No Way to Treat a Lady (1967)

Private Parts (1972)

Showgirls (1995)

S.O.S. Conspiracion Bikini (1967)

Taxi Driver (1976)

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003)

To Jennifer (2013)

Under Siege (Panic Makers) (1980)

Vanishing Point (1971)

Westworld (1973)

Women in Cages (1971)

October:

After Hours (1985)

American Nightmare (2002)

August Underground’s Mordum (2003)

Bad Biology (2008)

Bedlam (1946)

The Black Cat (1934)

Bone (1972)

BTK Killer (2005)

Candyman: Day of the Dead (1999)

The Chaos Experiment (2009)

Crocodile (1979)

Evil Judgment (1984)

Isle of the Dead (1945)

It Lives Again (1978)

It’s Alive III: Island of the Alive (1987)

The Keeper (2004)

Killer Fish (1979)

Killers of the Flower Moon (2023)

Let’s Scare Jessica to Death (1971)

Murphy’s Law (1986)

Off Balance (1987)

The Passage (1979)

Queen of Blood (1966)

She (1985)

Shreck (1990)

Slashlorette Party (2020)

Strange Shadows in an Empty Room (1977)

The Tomb (2007)

November:

Asteroid City (2023)

Bloodsucking Freaks (1976)

Clerks III (2023)

Cold Heaven (1992)

Dr. Jekyll and Sister Hyde (1971)

Escape from Hellhole (1983)

Fido (2006)

Fighting Back (1982)

Inseminoid (1981)

Journey to the Center of the Earth (1977)

The Killer (2023)

Malum (2023)

Netherworld (1992)

No One Will Save You (2023)

One False Move (1992)

The Outwaters (2023)

Piranha II: The Spawning (1982)

P.O.W. The Escape (1986)

Rat Man (1988)

A Stranger is Watching (1982)

Totally Killer (2023)

V/H/S/85 (2023)

The Wicked Die Slow (1968)

December:

All Jacked Up and Full of Worms (2022)

Alleluia! The Devil’s Carnival (2016)

August Underground’s Penance (2007)

Ballad in Blood (2016)

Copperhead (1983)

Deathcember (2019)

Dr. Lamb (1992)

Eileen (2023)

Enys Men (2023)

The Exorcist: Believer (2023)

Fatal Games (1984)

Game of Death (2017)

Ghoulies (1985)

Ghoulies II (1987)

Hell Comes to Frogtown (1988)

Hell’s Highway (2002)

Horrorvision (2001)

The Huntress of Auschwitz (2022)

Inn of the Damned (1975)

King on Screen (2022)

Leeches! (2003)

McBain (1991)

Night of Fear (1973)

Panic (Bakterion) (1982)

Rear Window (1954)

The Runner (2022)

Saltburn (2023)

Saw X (2023)

Wrong Reasons (2022)

Bonus New Year’s Day Movie:

Benedetta (2021)